The Longing to Be Known

At the core of our being lies a quiet yearning—to be truly seen, to feel felt. Not just noticed, but recognised: known, cherished, and understood for who we genuinely are. We long to lock eyes with another and feel, in that gaze, the undeniable affirmation: You are real. You matter. You are unique expression of Life.

Our identity is inextricably tied to our relationships – to other people, the natural landscape and other beings. They shape us—sometimes with tenderness, sometimes with pain. We carry the imprints of times we reached out for warmth and acceptance and instead met silence, judgment, coldness or rejection. These early wounds echo through our lives, rippling into our connections, our work, and our sense of self. Still, paradoxically, it is through others that we become fully ourselves.

For many, formative relationships were not places of refuge, but of confusion, criticism, or abandonment. When our first mirrors reflected shame instead of empathy or delight, the natural desire to be met retreats underground. It disguises itself as restlessness, defensiveness, emotional numbness, or a chase for distractions and substitutes.

But the longing doesn’t die—it waits.

At the core of every human life lie two profound longings: the desire to belong and the desire to become. These twin urges pull at us constantly, creating an inner tension that shapes our emotional, relational, and spiritual experience—like a quiet crucifixion of the soul.

The longing to belong moves outward, reaching across the horizontal plane of connection—drawing us toward family, friendship, community, and the comfort of shared humanity. It speaks to our need for love, acceptance, and rootedness.

In contrast, the longing to become stretches upward along the vertical axis of our existence. It drives us toward growth, transformation, and the full expression of our unique potential. It’s the hunger to evolve, to contribute, to step into the fullness of who we are meant to be.

Both desires are sacred. We ache for meaningful relationships and a sense of home in the world, just as deeply as we yearn to rise, to create, and to leave our own irreplaceable mark.

This raises the question: How can I stay true to myself while staying close to you? Too often, it feels like a choice between authenticity and connection—between being true to ourselves or keeping the bond. But what if we could have both?

And here’s the beautiful truth: when two people truly meet, something sacred happens. Each becomes more themselves. Old wounds begin to soften. New possibilities awaken.

So imagine—what might have blossomed in you if you had been met with delight instead of judgment? With curiosity rather than critique? Who might you be if your presence had always been welcomed with open arms?

Join us at the workshop on Attachment and Interpersonal Processes for an exploration of human connections—not as a source of pain, but as a wellspring of healing, joy, and potential. Together, let’s rediscover the transformative power of being met and feeling felt.